You either have it or, sadly, you will just have to bumble along without it. It is no use, either, thinking that you can squeeze into it, like hauling on a pair of designer jeans when you go clubbing… In fact if you did try to pull that trick, then a mischievous gremlin would ensure that your trousers / knickers fell down right in front of the DJ while Chuck Berry’s My Ding-A-Ling was playing.
I am talking about grace: that elusive quality that rich and aspirational parents send their daughters out to acquire at the right school. The trainee debs learned the form at least, through such essential exercises as walking while imagining books (the classic volumes obviously) balanced precariously on the head. This supposedly developed the the sort of regal bearing that one might associate with the owner of a stately home.
I incline towards the Homer Simpson level of elegance myself, because it has a lot going for it. Consider the demeanour of the man. He is Homer through and through, and after yet another pratfall he just shrugs and gets on in his normal, happy idiot habits.That could either be described as Homeric or pig-headed; take your pick. Anyway, I think it a form of quiet grace to be, within decent limits, as you are.
Fake it till you make it? Not for me – life’s too short.
Alan Martin is a Pembrokeshire native who has worked in several UK locations as an engineering inspector. He now lives on a smallholding in mid-county with his wife and son.