Don’t Panic… a Survivor’s Guide

Veverkolog/Pixabay

I was lying in bed the other morning musing – as you do – and found myself wondering what one should do if attacked by a gorilla.

I know It’s not likely that this will ever happen to me, especially not here in the Shire, but it is not beyond the realms of possibility that it might, just might, happen to one of our readers.

That got me thinking that there are a host of beasties, at home and abroad, that it might be useful to know a little more about when it comes to surviving an attack.

My research led me to the information that surviving attacks from wild creatures falls into two main methods.

In the case of an attack from a silverback, for example, the advice is to lie down, make yourself as small as possible, avoid eye contact and try not to scream or freak out.

The last bit of information seems to apply to both the lying down method and to the putting up a fight method that we will go into in a minute. I am sure I am not the only one who thinks that “Don’t panic”  in any survival situation might be the hardest advice to follow.

Edgar117/Pixabay

Take a shark attack. The suggestion is to try option one. Be still and quiet while the shark explores you. Apparently they are very curious but rarely actually attack. However, should the curiosity extend to taking a bite, the recommendation is to fight back with everything you have, while of course… not panicking.

Hard to fathom how exactly, but fighting back calmly is the secret to having any chance. Flailing around and screaming is just going to make the shark more inclined to bite you.

We are back to staying calm and not running away when it comes to cows. Apparently it is also important not to make direct eye contact or shout or wave your arms about. Are cows and sharks related by any chance?

arnolgs/Pixabay

I remember many years ago escaping a herd of cows in a ploughed field. Have you tried running in a ploughed field? My husband and I did an Olympic hedge leap at the end that defied gravity and I am sorry to say, I panicked the whole time.

Further advice if cornered suggests hitting the cow on the nose with a large branch. I don’t remember having the wherewithal to search for a piece of wood, being too busy running and trying not to break an ankle in the ruts…

A possible domestic crisis that is more likely here, but just as baffling as to how one deals with it, is a dog attack. The first advice I came across was to call the police on 999.

While waiting for help one should turn one’s body slowly to the side, cross your arms and remain standing still.

You should not speak to or shout at the dog but you should try to slowly back away.

Even more likely here in certain parts of Pembrokeshire is attack by seagull.

We all know that the best defence is to sacrifice your Greggs sausage roll. Seagulls don’t care if it’s the meat or vegan variety, but once again you should stay calm. If Greggs pastries are unavailable and you are also without chips, try not to panic .

Don’t risk agitating the seagull by waving your arms about but back away slowly with your arms protecting your head. A hat or umbrella is useful in this situation.

lagunabluemolly/Pixabay

We have covered some of the “acting cool” survival techniques but apparently if you are attacked by a reindeer (we are nothing if not seasonal here at Pembrokeshire.Online), you should run like the wind, obviously in the opposite direction from the reindeer, while searching for a bush or tree to hide behind.

I have other hints and tips but I wanted to finish with bear attacks because they very much rely upon the colour of the bear as to how to approach the whole survival game.

I mention these because in my research on surviving bear attacks  I haven’t found anyone saying: “Don’t panic.”

AnnaBoulais/Pixabay

In the case of the black bear you are advised to fight back with everything you have. Punch, kick, throw rocks, even whole trees, or liberally coat the creature with bear spray. You did carry bear spray, didn’t you?

Sorry but this bear and also polar bears are not going to care if your panic is under control and in the case of the huge white menace, there  is likely to be a shortage of missiles out there on the ice.

I read somewhere that polar bears are one of the few animals on the planet who will actively stalk and munch a human with little regard for any methods we might try to repel them. I guess that if you live in the freezy wastelands you wont be fussy about what you have for dinner. However it is recommended that you go down fighting. Making whitey work for his dinner by hitting him in the face, especially eyes and nose is suggested.

Papofox/Pixabay

As for the grizzly or brown bear, we are back to playing dead, not forgetting before you begin the charade, to cover your head and neck with your hands and arms, and lie flat on your stomach with your legs spread apart. If you can hold your breath and not move, persuading the slavering fur ball that you are no longer alive, might mean them just leave you alone. If they don’t, you can just spring into action and have at him as you would the brown bear or polar bear

ArtTower/Pixabay

We hope you have found this useful and we would love to hear from you if you have survived an attack from any living creature by whatever method, or if you want us to undertake further research.

You never know when it might come in useful…