Complimentary Therapy

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Do you find it hard to receive compliments? Most people seem to curl up a bit, and make a face. I really hate it when they do it, but I am perfectly capable of the cringe myself.

Of course, some people will wallop us with what are really backhanded compliments. You know the kind… the ones that say you look good, with a side of: not the mess you usually come as. I think it’s reasonable to be wary of those, but what about the sincerely meant?

We are constantly bombarded with what is an ideal of beauty in these times. For so many, facing the day airbrushed and finely tuned is a must. Those images of celebrities and influencers seem to affect our self-esteem so badly, even when we know they are not real.

I often wonder how vain a medieval peasant might have been. Were they obsessed with wrinkles, greying hair or absent teeth? I imagine that they had more to be concerned about, such as freezing to death in a hovel in winter or succumbing to the Black Death, but maybe vanity was always with us.

Modern standards are undoubtedly unrealistic, but from a young age people are exposed to what is presented to us as standards of beauty. The media, including advertisements, movies and social media platforms, frequently showcase individuals who conform to narrow beauty ideals. But even when we know that these images are largely enhanced we feel our own appearance is never going to match up.

From extremes, such as body dysmorphic disorder, which is a mental health disorder where individuals become obsessive over perceived flaws in physical appearance, to simple but debilitating struggles with self-criticism and negative self-talk ,when our self-esteem is low we are more likely to focus on our perceived flaws. This focus can overshadow positive attributes, making it difficult to appreciate or accept compliments.

However, compliments can feel uncomfortable for other reasons:

Many people feel they do not deserve praise, leading to a quick dismissal of compliments. This can stem from a belief that they are not as competent or attractive as others perceive them to be. They feel like imposters.

There is also the notion that accepting a compliment requires vulnerability. It necessitates acknowledging another person’s positive perception, which can be challenging for those who struggle with self-acceptance.

Personally, I like to pay compliments. If I genuinely see something in someone that shines, I want them to know they have been seen.

It is such a delight when the person responds with a smile, and a thank you, and I feel certain it makes them feel good, even if only for a while.

Are we maybe too hung up in our cultures on modesty? Is it simply unseemly to accept positive remarks, because no one really enjoys hearing people boasting?

Can we come to accept that there is a big difference between lack of modesty, and just enjoying our own individual worth being recognised by another?

I hope so, because we are living in tough times, and embracing little flashes of happiness and self-worth seems essential whenever possible.