Bobby the Dog – War Correspondent Extraordinaire
We have been awaiting Bobby’s latest article with bated breath. At first we were a little confused by the ordeal that he recounts below, but when his mum explained that the event was part of a display on the Parrog, we were hugely relieved. Thanks to Bobby for this stirring dog’s-eye account. You will find other articles from our Rover Reporter on Pembrokeshire.Online
What a tail…
Hey, humans. Have I got a story for you! You will not believe what just happened down on Goodwick beach… It was terrifying…
The walk started out just like normal. Mum said we were going to the beach. I like the beach, even if she forgets to bring a ball. So I wagged my tail all the way down the hill, but this time, it wasn’t just a quiet walk.
There were so many humans, and they were acting very strangely, and being very loud. I didn’t mind, though. More humans mean more fun smells and more people admiring my magnificent tail. And which of us doesn’t enjoy having our tail being swooned over?
Anyway, some of these people were all dressed up in funny outfits and running around, hitting each other with big sticks. They were all being kept inside a roped-off area. I knew right away that they must be dangerous. I thought that maybe they were wild humans who’d never been trained, like what I have…
Mum sat down way too near to them. I was concerned for her safety, in case they broke out of their pens. So I watched them very closely. It was incredibly violent, with all the hitting with sticks and people lying around dead everywhere, but the really bizarre part was the crowd of humans sitting around us.
Bobby stands his ground, despite the obvious danger to himself
Instead of running away or helping, they just sat there, banging their front paws together and laughing. Even when a human got smacked with a stick and fell right down onto the ground, everyone just kept clapping. Humans are deeply confusing and, frankly, a bit unhinged.
Naturally, I knew the humans (even including my mum) were not going to be any use, so it was down to me to save them all from themselves. So I stood my ground and deployed my extra-loud warning bark (the opposite to my quiet bark which mum likes the bestest of all my barks). Mum was holding her favourite light-up toy in front of her face, probably recording my bravery for the local news. Even after she stopped holding it up, I kept barking and growling a bit, just so those stick-humans knew that if they crossed the line, I would personally show them what real teeth look like.
Oddly, all the humans started laughing at me, and even wild ones with the sticks were struggling not to smile. I reckon that they were clearly trying to hide their absolute fear of me.
Then, the ultimate test came for your favourite war correspondent. At the very end of their stick-fight, the men did a terrifying charge right towards where we were standing. One of them focused his eyes right on me.
Well, the indignity!
I pulled as hard as my lead let me and told him in no uncertain terms that he had to leave me and my mum alone. I think he realised he had chosen the wrong opponent, because he didn’t dare come any closer to mum, and he didn’t even try to hit us with his stick.
I completely neutralised the threat.
Bobby doesn’t mind a bit of sand with his treat
After I saved the day and successfully chased off the stick-men, mum took me to a place called the Ocean Lab café. She was so grateful that I saved her life that she bought me a special cup filled with a magical, delicious white fluff called a Puppicino.
If moving here means I have to constantly protect mum from stick-wielding humans while other humans just sit and clap, it’s going to be exhausting, but as long as I get paid in cups of tasty white fluff, I suppose I will let them live.
Though, really, I think I should be getting a Pulitzer for the danger I’ve gone through to bring you this frontline news.
Bobby, Rover Reporter for Pembrokeshire.Online
